You know that split second when the light is green, but then it suddenly turns yellow and you have to make a decision: floor it or slam on the breaks?

That’s the decision that I live with every day with Sjögren’s. Live life to the fullest or wallow in my pity. Physical exhaustion from chronic illness sometimes causes a road block, but I like to think that I’m charging full speed ahead.

There’s also the whole new craze of distracted driving. You check your phone and change the radio station while the windows are down and your hair’s blowing through the sunroof. That sunlight beaming in just feels so good, and this is exactly the song that you’ve been waiting to hear.

You are so distracted that you don’t even notice that you had a choice when that light turned yellow. In your mind, that light was always green and you maintain that speed without even a flinch of hesitation.

Welcome to the world of denial. Or maybe it’s just a world of distraction. Sometimes it’s easier to just forget that I have Sjögren’s and, psychologically, it might even be the better option to forget.

But, don’t worry, I’m reminded every day…three times a day…when I pop my pills. Like a buzzing gnat in your ear that you keep swatting away. Or that bug bite that no matter how hard you try and try to forget about, you just can’t stop itching it.

I try to swat away the reminders, but it’s hard to forget about a disease that impacts nearly every part of your body. I would love to be a distracted driver, just once. So relaxed and encompassed that I don’t even realize that I have a decision to make and I just glide through the stoplight with ease.

Your body never fails to remind you. Pain and discomfort are hard to forget.

One response to “Stoplights.”

  1. I wish I could take all your pain away. You are a remarkable young woman. I am so glad you are sharing your story with others. I love you.

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