Ashley Fenker

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  • Nighttime.

    I’ve always been afraid of the dark. Still today, at the age of 21, I run up the stairs if I am the last one downstairs who has to turn out the lights. My heart races as I try to escape the darkness that always manages to follow me. What is it that scares me…

    ashleyfenker

    September 29, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, darkness, literary memoir, Sjögren’s, unknown disorder
  • Jolly.

    A jolly old man jogged past me on Friday morning. “Jolly old man” seems like such an overused expression, but there is just no better way to describe him. His elbows were out wide and he waddled from side-to-side as his stark white hair curled over his stark white sweat headband. And, yes, his stark…

    ashleyfenker

    September 18, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, Sjögren’s, sleep, smile
  • Seasons.

    The weatherman on the radio this morning let me know that fall is fast approaching. Goodbye long summer nights, hello crisp fall air. Just like everyone else who needs a change of pace after a few months of the same season, it’s nice to hear that we can look forward to sweaters, bonfires, and changing…

    ashleyfenker

    September 15, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, invisible pain, Raynaud’s Phenomenon, Sjögren’s
  • Tears.

    One new text message and life is suddenly different. The alert for this new message didn’t sound any different than an alert for a normal message that might read, “Hey, what’s up?” or “What are you wearing tomorrow?” But this message was different, and it certainly wasn’t about my plans or what the weather was…

    ashleyfenker

    September 12, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, death, shock, Sjögren’s, tears
  • Pucker Up.

    For those Sjögren’s patients who suffer from inflammation of the parotid glands, like myself, lemons and sour candy are your tickets to salivation. Try pushing down on your glands that run on the side of your face starting by the bottom of your ears. Normal people don’t have to do this to salivate, but my…

    ashleyfenker

    September 10, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, parotid glands, salivation, Sjögren’s
  • Stoplights.

    You know that split second when the light is green, but then it suddenly turns yellow and you have to make a decision: floor it or slam on the breaks? That’s the decision that I live with every day with Sjögren’s. Live life to the fullest or wallow in my pity. Physical exhaustion from chronic illness…

    ashleyfenker

    September 9, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, Sjögren’s
  • Earthquake.

    On August 23, 2011, the East Coast experienced its first earthquake in over 100 years. I was at my desk when my corkboard filled with pictures began to shake. A co-worker stood in my doorway with a panicked look and my heart began racing as I realized that the shaking wasn’t stopping. People shrieked and…

    ashleyfenker

    September 7, 2011
    autoimmune disorder, chronic illness, earthquake, Sjögren’s
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